Freaking Fad
by Tommy Vercetti's Placenta
Summary: Walter, Jr. loses his patience with the hipsters of the universe.


Jesse's forehead started life not as a forehead, but as a continent upon which muggle wizards, who called themselves "chemists", did dandy dances with the cum-slathered chucklefucks of the street nation of Yomommatron. Yomommatron, located upon Jesse's taint, was a land where the sun literally did not shine, a festival for creeps.

One creep born and raised in the lovely shit-smelling slums of Yomommatron was an effervescing shitstain known only as Tuco. Tuco was a freak, having been born with explosions for intestines and a canine dragon for a liver, but he was still a bean stalk of poison most wretched. Tuco slathered upon the barren desert ground an alchemic sphere, the scarlet ink spilt from the tiny mortals who once served him, attempting to summon the goddess. Not a goddess, but the goddess.

Down from the sky came not the goddess, but a man on a magic flying machine gun hewn from the pitiful corpses of vain tumors. It was Walt. He challenged Tuco to a duel.

Enraged by the presumptuous leanings of this flying gun bitch, who knew nothing of the trials the filthy, groveling peasants of Yomommatron endured day in and day out simply to sell one micron of meth, Tuco ripped off his penis, bent it into the shape of a swastika, then tied it to his umbilical cord, which he always kept in an ass pocket because he knew it would come in handy some day. Tuco swung the umbilical swastika round and round, picking up momentum until it became a helicopter blade, lifting him to the land of the magical muggles. Furious at his failure in preventing a sub-muggle from entering the land of Jesse's forehead, Walt chased after him, brandishing his Yu-Gi-Oh cards of sharpest cardboard, ready to kill. He cared not for the close-mindedness of the laws of physics. He had already exiled them to the Great Cavern of Yomommatron, a terrible badland the likes of which not even the smuggest of sub-muggle would dare try to cook meth in.

Walt's glasses, sick of being ignored like a drunk fly wallowing in its own shit-vomit behind the jukebox, rocketed themselves into a galaxy which was attempting to rape the Milky Way but was cockblocked by its chastity asteroid belt, then imploded, becoming a highly-organized structure resembling an array of cockroach penes made of glass which jizzed back into themselves, a source of inexhaustible energy. The glass insect wangs arranged themselves into the shape of a circle on crack, a farce laughed upon by every geometry teacher in the entire vast Jesse's surface area, then spun, faster and faster, until they became liquid, merged together, and cooled, forming a cockring of unthinkable proportions, one which makes every face explode on sight. The cockring wrapped itself around the rape galaxy's frustrated wang-arm and squeezed shut, cutting off galactic flow until the entire arm died and every star burnt out, falling through the spacetime continuum and landing upon a galaxy called Canada, where they were slathered in maple syrup and ridden in lieu of moose, for the moose were rebelling due to the recent cutbacks of moose education funding. But the nation of Yomommatron had recently opened a moose school, so the moose flocked there and became an invaluable asset to Yomommatron's drug industry, the crux of its gross domestic product.

Tuco disappeared into the vast nether-regions of the hair forest, where the rape lice dwelled. The rape lice were a space-faring empire of combustible 4-armed vampires who gave birth inside of human rectums to breed, and also were into BDSM. The rape lice blackmailed the humans of Yomommatron for their meth in exchange for some of their pilfered blood back. This is why everyone in Yomommatron was half dead, and poorer than a hobo in a superjail.

The flight back home was taking forever. Walt fell asleep on his flying gun, and crashed into Jesse's left nipple, hard as a rock from the incoming cold front ushering in the winter season. His face was torn off by the impact and flung to the richest rape lice city, where it studied to become a brain surgeon and earn more pints of blood than anyone else in the hair forest. Walt's face then became the president of the rape lice nation and single-handedly brought peace and harmony to the three nations of planet Jesse, ladies and gentlemen.


End file.
